


(not) just friends

by t0ki



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Self-Denial, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:55:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23328121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/t0ki/pseuds/t0ki
Summary: “So…?” Christen began.“So...what?” Tobin laughed back.“Come on Tobin! You know what.”On a night out with the team, Christen doesn't know how to feel.
Relationships: Tobin Heath/Christen Press
Comments: 8
Kudos: 180





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic! Loosely set somewhere in the early years of T&C.

Christen felt lightheaded. A little buzzed, a little giggly, and a little lightheaded.

The team was out celebrating a win, and it was a rare moment to unwind, laugh, and just enjoy the moment. They were a few drinks in already, nothing crazy, just exchanging banter and jokes with her dearest teammates. Around her high-top were Pinoe and Ashlyn, slinging witty remark after witty remark, and all she and Ali could do was try to catch their breath in between bouts of laughter.

And of course Tobin.

She was always there. Christen knew she was standing a little close, leaning into Tobin’s broad shoulders a little more than she needed to when each bout of laughter came. Nothing that best friends wouldn’t do.

And she couldn’t help it if she found herself sometimes staring at Tobin. It could be anything—a stray piece of hair, the way her eyelashes would catch the light in just that special way, the way she shuffled her feet when she walked. Tonight, she was noticing how smooth Tobin’s skin looked in the dim lighting, blue-violet in the bar, and yet still somehow golden bronze in her mind.

And she couldn’t help it if the corners of her lips would always curl upwards whenever she thought about her. Couldn’t help the small smile even now, when there was a lull in the conversation.

She was standing so close. She knew she was in Tobin’s space. Could reach over and touch her—her shoulder, her arm, even her hand—all in the safe comfort of friendly banter. Friendly. Friends.

So she did.

Megan made some remark about Tobin’s style evolution. And, a little buzzed, a little giggly, and a little lightheaded, Christen leaned in to Tobin’s space, reached for Tobin’s forearm for support, and laughed, surrendering herself to the electricity in the air.

***

“Wanna dance?”

Christen was slightly snapped out of her reverie, with vague flashes of long eyelashes and wide smiles and sandy brown hair dancing in her mind. She was at the bar waiting for a glass of water, and her friend had an eager glint in her eye. Lily was one of her best friends in high school who came to see her at the game, and Christen had invited her out with the team. It was going great. Lily was making easy friends with her teammates, flitting in and out of conversations. They had taken a break for water together to finally get a chance to catch up.

Christen laughed a little at her question. “Lily, you know I’m such an awkward dancer! But if you insist…” she replied with a smirk.

“What about Tobin? Think she’ll dance?”

The question took her a little by surprise, and Christen raised her eyebrows. Why was Lily asking about Tobin?

“She’s so hot.”

_Oh._

Christen felt a pit in her stomach develop out of nowhere. She tried to not let it show. They were just friends.

“You gotta help hook it up, Chris! Come on, what do you say?”

Of course, she should have known this would happen. Lily had come out as bisexual years ago and was recently single. And Tobin…Tobin was Tobin. This was not the first time her best friend had garnered other women’s attention, and it wouldn’t be the last. Even if Tobin was one of the world’s most recognizable athletes, she had an aura that made everyone around her so comfortable. So of course just a few interactions with Lily would make Lily enamored, and now her friend wanted to shoot her shot. Of course this would happen. Christen swallowed slowly and tried to smile.

“Let’s go ask her.”

“Ugh, amazing. Thanks Chris. Karma points forever for you for bringing your friends together like this!”

Chris laughed nervously and nodded, trying to ignore the pit in her stomach and the looming feeling of dread as she walked back towards the high-top. Towards Tobin. Just friends.

***

“Lily wants to dance with you.”

Tobin looked up from her drink. “Hmm?”

Christen couldn’t look at her directly, this was so awkward. She turned her gaze to the dance area of the bar where Lily was, and then back in Tobin’s direction, trying to signal what she was asking. It was a bit loud anyway, so she leaned in to Tobin’s ear so she could hear her better.

“Wanna dance?”

At this, she smiled at herself, surprised at her own boldness to reframe the question more selfishly like this. Christen pulled away from Tobin’s ear and looked at her directly this time, with a grin and a mischievous glint in her eye. _Dance with me_.

Tobin had a furrowed brow and a smirk of her own though, clearly a bit bewildered at the question, and a bit unbelieving that Christen meant to ask what she was asking. Christen felt a brief moment of panic when she registered Tobin’s expression. _Oh no, does she think I’m coming on to her? I’m asking for Lily. We’re just friends._

Tobin laughed it off easily though, easing the tension with humor. “I don’t know Chris, not sure if this bar is ready for the combined awkwardness of our dance moves,” she said with a wink. She turned to the other high-top next to theirs, and yelled, “Crystal! Let’s hit the dance floor! Bring the gang!”

***

Christen didn’t know where to look.

Saved as she was by the group of teammates that were now on the dancefloor, she was still dancing most closely with Lily to her right, and Tobin to her left. She couldn’t look at either of them—Lily was probably trying to catch eye contact with Tobin, and Christen didn’t dare think what would happen if she looked into Tobin’s eyes in this setting. Bodies close. Moving rhythmically together. It was a heady feeling, and so she kept her eyes up at the ceiling or down on the floor, trying to just get lost in the music around them.

She could sense Lily inching to get a little closer to Tobin, and Tobin subsequently shifting a little closer to Christen, causing all three of them to rotate slightly as a group of three. Safe distance between all of them. This kept happening two or three times, until suddenly Christen felt a hand on her waist, unmistakably Tobin’s. She brought her eyes up from the ground to turn to her friend, who had a hand on Lily’s waist as well. Tobin had stopped dancing but she had a wide smile, and really that’s all Christen could look at.

“Ladies, you’re dancing up a storm! I’m gonna go get a drink at the bar, do you guys want anything?”

“I’m all set,” Christen answered honestly.

“Me too,” said Lily.

Tobin, sensing accurately that this was a girls’ catch-up moment for Lily and Christen, gave them a thumbs up and headed towards the bar. Christen’s eyes followed her as Tobin turned around; her physical absence immediately felt like a void.

When she turned back towards Lily, she was met with a high pitched squeal. Lily grabbed both of Christen’s hands excitedly and was literally bouncing up and down. She was giddy and elated and Christen couldn’t help but smile back at her friend.

“Oh my GOD Christen! She is seriously so hot. Ugh. And I can’t believe we were dancing together just now! Do you think I should actually go to the bar with her?”

And for the second time that night, Christen felt the pit return to her stomach. This time, it also felt like the air was heavier, it was harder to breathe. Tobin was dancing so close to her too. She didn’t know what to say, and it was making her feel panicked.

_Yeah girl, you should go for it!_

_Please...don’t._

_Tobin is amazing and so are you. You should try to see if there’s a connection!_

_I don’t feel good about this._

“Well, I have to use the bathroom anyway, so up to you!” Christen tried to smile as brightly as she could, and even gave Lily a playful nudge on the arm. She turned quickly towards the bathroom, needing to get out of this situation as quickly as she could. 

***

Once inside, she spent a few minutes standing over the sink, taking a few centering breaths like Channing had taught her years before. She splashed some cold water against her arms, and pressed her cool fingers against her temples. Deep breaths. She could analyze what she was feeling later. For now, she just focused on feeling the ground under her feet, the air entering her lungs with each breath. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.

A few moments later, the room felt like it opened up again. It was easier to breathe. Christen opened her eyes and looked at herself in the mirror; her makeup was still in good shape, and her straightened hair--half done up-- still looked sleek. Her buzz from earlier had faded, but the night was still going great, and her best friends were all outside waiting for her. Smiling to herself in the mirror, she headed back out.

***

She saw them immediately.

Lily and Tobin, talking by the bar. Both of them were smiling, one elbow leaned against the bar top. Christen could see Tobin’s wide smile from across the room, amused by something she would not be privy to. She could breathe again, but the pit in her stomach had not gone away. _Look over here Tobin. Look over here. What are you smiling about? Smile at me._

Christen watched as Tobin reached over and patted Lily’s shoulder, giving her another warm smile. Then they clinked beers, and both of them started walking back towards the group of girls who had returned from the dance floor, all chatting animatedly. Taking a deep breath, Christen began walking in their direction as well. Tobin happened to look over right as Christen took her first few steps, and upon eye contact Tobin slowly smiled. 

And, as always, Christen couldn’t help but smile too.

_You’re my best friend._

Tobin said something quickly to Lily, and then turned to walk towards Christen, meeting her before she reached their larger group of friends. 

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“You...feeling ok?”

Christen nodded and smiled at Tobin again. 

“Yeah! Yeah...just a bit tired from the game and then the dancing I think. And my buzz from earlier is wearing off. I should’ve taken you up on your offer for a drink!”

Tobin smiled her broad smile now, with her teeth showing and amusement in her eyes. “Not too late now, this one is has gotten a bit warm anyway,” she said as she shook her half-full beer. “Wanna get another one together?”

Christen smiled and nodded, and hooked her elbow into Tobin’s as they walked. _Just like with my sisters and my best friends._

When they got to the bar, she found herself strangely mirroring what she had observed just moments earlier-- a girl, facing Tobin, a safe distance apart, one elbow leaned up against the bar top, soft smiles hanging between them over nothing at all. The whole setting felt so familiar to Christen; it felt so easy to slip into this, this being next to Tobin.

Tobin set down her half-full beer and waved to the bartender to get his attention. After ordering their drinks, she turned to see Christen looking at her with eyebrows raised, eyes inquisitive. 

“So…?” Christen began.

“So...what?” Tobin laughed back.

“Come on Tobin! You know what.”

Tobin smirked at her without answering, and before Christen could chastise her, their beers arrived. Tobin reached to leave a tip, and then took a sip from her beer nonchalantly.

“Tobin. My friend Lily is into you.”

Tobin put her beer down, and turned more fully to Christen now, smiling gently. 

“I know.”

“And...?”

Tobin paused for a moment, and looked at Christen with an unreadable expression. 

“And...no offense to you or to her, but I just wasn’t really feeling it. She was really sweet though, I can see why you guys are such good friends.”

Christen breathed a small sigh of relief. She didn’t even know that she had been holding her breath. She smiled at Tobin’s response, but felt a bit bad for Lily. Sweet was usually not the first adjective people used to describe Lily. Gorgeous was usually the first one. Also brilliant, savvy, funny, adventurous...Lily was a catch.

“No offense taken.” She took a sip of her beer. “Just not your type?” Christen could feel her heart rate pick up slightly at her own question, unsure of how Tobin would respond. She looked over. _What is your type? Who do you think about?_

Tobin laughed softly again. “Well, if you’re going to keep trying to set me up like this I guess it’d be helpful if you knew my type, huh?” She playfully bumped her shoulders against Christen’s, and Christen couldn’t help but roll her eyes and smile at Tobin’s teasing. 

“I wasn’t setting you up,” she grumbled.

Tobin pulled back and paused for a moment, and looking at her quizzically. “Yes you were.”

Christen blinked a few times, caught. Yes, she was setting them up. She brought Tobin over to dance with Lily. She shared in Lily’s glee at the interaction. She cleared the path for her to hit on Tobin at the bar, one-on-one.

_I didn’t know what to do._

Christen took another sip of her beer nervously, unsure of what to say. But once again, Tobin broke the tension with humor, bumping her shoulder against Christen’s a second time with a smirk on her face. 

“Anyways! Unfortunately for you, I don’t really have a type. It’s more of a feeling for me, like a connection. And you never know when it’s going to happen, or how. As awesome as Lily is-- I mean, I’m not blind, she’s beautiful-- and as awesome as she is, I just wasn’t feeling it. I told her all that and was honest about it, which I think she appreciated.”

Christen nodded, and took a sip of her beer. “I’m sure she did. Thank you for being honest with her, and treating her with such respect.”

“Of course Christen.” Tobin raised her beer to her. 

Again, Christen felt deja vu, recalling this exact scene that had played out between Lily and Tobin. Friend-zoned. _Because we are just friends._

“Here’s to you, Chris.”

“To me? For what?”

“To you doing a better job at playing cupid next time,” Tobin chuckled. She clinked their bottles together and took another sip of beer before turning her body away from the bar, indicating they should go back to the group. 

Christen took a sip of her beer too and swung an arm across Tobin’s shoulders. “Ok, Miss ‘I gotta _feel it_ ’” she emphasized with a teasing lilt to her voice. “Way to be unhelpful!” she added, with a playful smack to Tobin’s head.

The two laughed at each other as they rejoined their teammates and friends. Their chatter and animated laughter filled the air, and Christen felt the familiar contentment of being with this team wash over her again. 

***

It was many moments later, near the end of the night, when she felt a little lightheaded. A little buzzed, a little giggly, and a little lightheaded, Christen found herself slipping into old habits again. She caught herself accidentally staring and noticing something new about Tobin-- how when she laughed to her eyes, there were more smile lines around her left eye than her right. She just laughed that way. Another thing about Tobin that made her uniquely her Tobin.

 _My Tobin_...


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night after...  
> **warning somewhat graphic content ahead**

She jolted up, panting, sweaty. 

_3:24am_.

Her mind was racing, recalling flashes of vivid images. She squeezed her eyes shut.

_A hard body pressed flush against hers. Her arms hooked around broad shoulders keeping her impossibly close. Music blaring but she couldn’t hear a sound. Could only feel the pulsating rhythm around her. Warm breath against her ear and neck. The intoxicating scent of musk and honey mixed with a little whiskey and sweat, surrounding her. Two bodies moving as one on a crowded dance floor._

_And then they were moving as one again, but in a bed. Just them. Skin on skin._

_She kissed a pair of pillowy lips, heated and full of want. She couldn’t get enough of the feeling. She kept kissing and kissing and kissing, tongue swiping tongue sending flashes of electricity down her spine. Her hand was already between the woman’s legs, and she could feel the slick between her fingers. She’d never felt so aroused in her life. Her heart, racing._

_She pulled back to see honey colored eyes dark with desire, giving her a slight nod. And as she pressed two fingers inside, warm and wet and tight around her, she watched Tobin shut her eyes, mouth agape in pleasure, letting out the filthiest moan she’d ever heard…_

Christen gasped again at the memory of the dream, heart still racing and an undeniable pulsing between her own legs. 

What the hell was that??!

Did she just have a wet dream about her best friend? What the fuck? She had never even kissed a girl before, let alone...fuck! What WAS that?? And with _Tobin_ , gosh. So inappropriate. She’s her best friend. What would she think? How could...what just…??

Her mind was scrambling. This was crazy. 

It must...it must just be the drinking and going out tonight, she decided. Tobin was the last person she danced with, maybe that’s what that was. It’s almost that time of the month, and she’s just feeling particularly horny. All normal. All fine. Tobin is objectively attractive, so it doesn’t have to mean anything.

It doesn’t mean that she’s into girls, nor does it necessarily mean that she’s into Tobin that way.

She’s always dated men. She likes men.

With a resolute shake of her head, Christen sighs and finally settles her head back onto the pillow. Julie, across the hotel room, is still sound asleep, undisturbed by her crisis.

_Phew._

Christen curls up, but she has to press her legs together, somewhat uncomfortably. She closes her eyes, but her mind still races.

 _...what the hell was that?_


End file.
